The day I graduated

I met these girls roughly around my Freshmen year and we've been close friends since. I can not think of a single college memory that didn't have something to do with at least one of them. And I can not adequately express how amazing and important each of them are to me. They have been examples, supporters, and practically family to me. Lucky for us, we are all graduating at the same time!

I know of very few people who have such a solid group of friends throughout college, and for that I'm incredibly grateful.

The infamous BYU ducks have produced adorable offspring. I almost opt out of my graduation ceremonies just to spend more time with these cuties. 

I met this girl on the first day of Freshmen Orientation. She happened to be enjoying the sun at the time and I remember leisurely glancing over and deciding whether or not I should say hi. Needless to say, we've been friends ever since. And I'm so glad that we were able to grow and learn together! 

That's right, I'm done! Finally and officially done. Since I was done with classes in December, it seemed like the graduation ceremonies were so distant from my actual college career. Obviously a huge thank you to my wonderful family who have been my backbone on countless stressful exam nights.

I ran into my Jr. High French teacher, Madame Flood! It was so great seeing her and her family, it's crazy how fast time flies. 

We had a 'small' celebration on Sunday with some family friends...but nothing is ever small when it comes to my family and celebrations. It was filled with lots of food, lots of friends, and lots of laughing. 

I'm a BA.

That's right. I have a Bachelor of Arts. It feels so surreal that I'm actually done. To be honest, I still sorta think, in my delusional mind, that I am still a college student. I think it will really hit me when I attend graduation ceremonies. Graduation has its ups and downs. For one thing, I'm certainly glad I don't have any more homework or tests. And then on the other hand, I miss it. I miss being on campus and learning. 

And, gulp, being a college graduate somehow becomes a rite of passage that makes you even more of an adult than you were before, and I'm just not sure I'm ready for that...with that being said, would I go back right now? 

Nope. Are you kidding me, I'm thoroughly enjoying my freedom right now. :) 

THE LSAT

For those who come in frequent, almost daily, contact with me, I would first like to apologize. Besides work and school, I am about as entertaining as a doorknob.

For those who don't, however, should know that I am also studying for THE LSAT. 

Oh yes, THE LSAT. {dramatic music play} 

I started studying for it in March, but my study schedule was on and off. Mostly off. Now I wish that I had locked myself in a chamber since May only to be freed when I obtained my optimal score. Why, oh why am I not disciplined enough?

But as the day looms closer, I can't ignore it. It invades every single thought I have. School/grades have taken a backseat, and we all know that school/grades have never sat in my backseat. Call me high-strung or intense, whatever. I'm about to die from anxiety. 

I just registered for the test. I waited until the last day to purchase it, only to exit out of the website and log back in and exit and log back in just so that I was given a couple more minutes before I could push the check-out button. 

Long story short, I just paid $160 for an exam that will ruin my life. 

The case of Overachiever

At the beginning of this school year, my friends and I bought our student all-sports pass.

Boy, was that a mistake.

I did attend a few more football games than I would have if I didn't have the sports pass, but when I purchased the pass I was determined to attend a majority of the basketball games.

I have gone to two basketball games. While the season is yet to be over, I doubt that I will surpass the current record I hold because every time a game is scheduled, it happens to be on the best night for me to work.

 My life is awful.

Ok, that's not really true. My life is great, so great that I debate on how weird it would be to start singing and dancing as I walk from one class to another.

But it's so great that it's awful. Does that make sense?

Since the moment I spent my first semester on BYU campus, I have wanted to be a campus tour rep. They  get to take potential BYU students and family around BYU and tell them how great the school  is and why they should come here.

It practically screamed my name when I found out about the job.

I made it a goal that I become a campus tour rep. before I graduate.

Well, graduate is in December. And there is an opening for the campus tour rep.
But because my life is so great, I can't do it.

They require a set time shift that coincides with my History 341 class and my internship at the law office.
My life is filled with so many awesome and great things that I can't possibly fit any more awesome and great things....making my life so great that it's awful.

During my senior year in high school, I attended a academic camp held at BYU during the summer. It was one of the best experiences, I made friends that I still, to this day, keep in touch with. Having such a neat experience as a participant of the academic camp, I really wanted to apply as a counselor. The camp was only held for three weeks during the summer, and I would get rent, meals, and a paycheck.

But guess what? I can't do it either.

Because the most crucial LSAT prep time and the test itself is right smack in the middle of when the camp is held.

The last couple of weeks I have been seriously debating between all of these options.

Do I go to the basketball on a Saturday night or go to work and make money?

Do I want the internship at the law office or the campus tour rep. job?

Do I sacrifice the possibility of scoring higher on my LSAT or becoming a counselor?

Do I sing or dance? Or both?

Some of these aren't really options, they are already set in stone {i.e. my internship and LSAT}, but I think I have the case of  the overachiever.

Not that I think I am awesome or really great, no. It's quite the opposite.

It's because I know I am not awesome and that there are people out there that are WAY smarter and WAY better at everything I do that I strive so hard to fit every possible little thing in every possible minute of my life.

So when I say I have to check my planner or that I might be able to pencil you in, I'm not joking.

So today when I was going over my calendar for the next two months, looking at the dates and times debating whether or not I could shuffle or wiggle some things around so that I could possibly fit in the campus tour rep job, I realized I was crazy.

I am already doing 20+ hours of work, 8-10 hours of internship work at the law office, 16 credits of classes,  a 10 hr/week LSAT prep course, entered a research paper competition, and training for a marathon. All while potentially becoming a maid of honor in the next couple of weeks and doing my taxes.

And I'm thinking of adding another 15 hour/week job, training for a counselor, attending basketball games,  and becoming vegetarian again.

If I'm not crazy then I don't know who is.

What is this sickness I have and how do I get rid of it?!

Weeks like these

It is during weeks like Finals Week that my testimony really grows.

Not only am I grateful for the strength to stay up hours upon hours doing mind numbing tasks like studying and writing a total of 20 pages in papers due during finals week, but that I know that my savior, Jesus Christ, loves me and knows exactly what I am going through.

I can not begin to fathom how much suffering and pain He would have to go through to atone for the sins of those who were, who are, and who have yet to come. Bleeding from every pore may sound too much to be true, but if the weight of the entire existence of man kind was upon my shoulders, I know I wouldn't have made it.

So every time I am about to throw my laptop out the window and seriously consider being a waitress for the rest of my life, I just take a deep breath and know that Jesus Christ did not just experience the suffering that I currently feel from Finals Week, but the suffering of every single college student suffering from Finals Week.
That thought alone humbles me.

All jokes set aside, it really has been such a spiritually strengthening week for me. In the midst of all the stress and pressure, I have been able to witness the love of Christ and the power of His plan for us.

However, I attend the Lord's church....so why did He have to make this so incredibly difficult?!

Scholarship

Since my freshmen year of college, I have had a scholarship to BYU.

Most of the time it covers tuition, but sometimes it covers my books and a large part of my rent for that semester.
With the academic prestige and wonderful atmosphere that BYU offers, receiving a scholarship for the last four years of my education has been more than kind of the admission and scholarship committee.

Now, I don't have perfect grades. I doubt I will be graduating with Summa Cum Laude or even Magna Cum Laude for that matter, so sometimes I feel undeserving of all this financial support.

There are people in my class that are WAY smarter and WAY more hard-working than I and probably in a much more deserving spot to receive that much money for doing what they already do.

Fortunately it is only sometimes that I feel like my check should have been addressed to someone else.

Today is not one of those days. While the entire BYU student population is busy studying for finals, I am no exception. I have spent most of this morning preparing for a scheduled exam on Monday.

This class has started a google doc so that the entire class may submit information and hopefully help each other out with finals. Being an International Relations major, I take a hefty amount of economic classes. In these econ classes, we learn about free riders. A free rider is someone who consumes a resource without paying or contributing to it.

A google doc can be a perfect arena for free riders. Information is provided without any compensation, just the assumption that everyone that has access to the google doc has integrity and an honorable character.

With that being said, I didn't want to a free rider. So I filled out the study guide as much as I could and then logged onto the google doc hoping to contribute while I get some answers of my own.

Sounds simple right?

When I logged on, a large part of the first page was already completed. I read through it, adding little bits of information as I went and on the first question that was left empty, I filled in as much as I personally had answered and continued on.

Three questions into an annoying little orange block popped up right below my typing.

"Why aren't you with us reviewing right now?!"

I was slightly hesitant and unsure that this was directed to me seeing as how there were 7 other users viewing the document. So I chose to ignore it and continued on with my work.

The  next question, the orange user decided to add annoying, irrelevant information below my sentences.

"Potatoes are the best!"
"Professor So-and-so is amazing! He is the best!" 
"Matt Damon."

Once again, I chose to ignore it. Maybe the stress of finals had gotten to them. I would just go and delete those out when I needed the copy of the document anyways.

On to the next question.


"YOU! YOU, PINKIE, writing RIGHT NOW!  Why aren't you studying for us?" 

I kept typing my answer.

"STOP IT. STOP WRITING AND COME TO THE CLASSROOM RIGHT NOW! We are discussing stuff right now." 

My patience is about the size of the smallest Who in Whoville found on that clover that Horton hears. So when you provoke me when I am trying to contribute during finals week...

This happens:

"If the discussion in the classroom regarding "stuff" is regarding how to disrupt the public google document, then I'd rather not."

Mr. Orange block did not like that response.

"WHAT? You mean that we have practically filled in all...."

And it was deleted. Someone went in and took out the conversation.

That was when I didn't feel so bad for having a scholarship. Because as many smart people there are on BYU, there are some incredibly stupid ones too.

Fingernail-Scab Sucker

No, the title of this post is not a jab at insulting someone. {Although that nickname would be quite fun to give..}

Rather it is an accurate description of a fellow classmate. My international theory of Asia {yes there is such a thing} class is held at exactly 12:05 pm every other day. Seeing as there is an extra five minutes before class usually starts, I rarely have a reason to be late to lecture.

However, things happened. Whether it was devotional that went over, or I just dragged my feet a little more than usual last Tuesday, I was late for class.

As I tried my hardest to sneak in unnoticed, I quickly scanned the room for empty chairs. Up three rows from where the door was, there was an empty spot just one seat from the aisle.

I whispered my apologizes as I squeezed into my seat with my backpack and all. In a quiet frenzy, I pulled out my binder and writing tool, ready to take notes. I was intently followed lecture when, suddenly, I was  distracted by a slow sucking sound.

As I surveyed the room for signs of snacks or beverages, I realized it was coming from my neighbor in the aisle seat.

I gave a quick side way glance. Shocked by what I thought I had seen, I slowly twisted my neck in order to disprove what I thought he was doing.
Oh, it was worse. Much worse.

My neighbor had taken up the habit of pulling off chewing his fingernails. He  was not your average fingernail chewer. No, the normal fingernail biter slyly nibbles at their fingertips, quickly thrusting their hands in their pockets after the deed is done in hopes that no one has seen it.

This classmate was using one hand to assist the other hand in being chewed off. After slurping and chomping at his index finger, he proceeded to chew off two fingers, simultaneously! Hand jolting and pulling was involved, and the entire time I was completely fixated by how gross this entire act was becoming.

I looked away before my gag reflex got the best of me, deciding that I would only have to endure this once.

Yesterday, I rushed to class. Being only a minute or so late, someone had taken my usual spot in class.
As if by fate, the only seat available was next to my favorite fingernail chewer. Left with no choice, I sank into the seat, praying that he had no fingernails left to chew.

I peeked at his fingers and I was right. His fingernails were practically non-existent, completely jagged and chewed at. As I returned my gaze to the lecture, I noticed a lot of scabs and scratches on his arm. It was as if he had a fright of chicken pox in the form of scabs. Scab pox to be exact.

They were small and everywhere. Unable to come up with a conclusion as to how someone could contact scab pox, I returned to my work.

Only to be disrupted by a licking noise.

Because my neighbor had chewed off his own fingernails, he was unable to pick at the scabs.
So he resorted to the only thing he knew how to use best. His sucking and chewing.

Yes, that's correct. My neighbor was sucking at his forearm, picking off his own scabs.

I took a deep breath, hoping it would last until class was over,  in order to keep my lunch down because the the air around our seats now smelled faintly of spit...and scab sucking.

I decided then and there that I would never sit next to this monster ever again. Even if the seat next to him was the last one I would rather sit on my professor's lap before I had to watch him chew off another part of his body.

Hope you didn't lose your appetite, because I no longer eat before that class just in case I have to even sit near the fingernail-scab sucker.

"Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know"

Because all this 'education' is turning into a self-realization of incompetency and inability to excel.

It took a turn for the worse on Monday night. One moment I was perfectly fine, doing what I do on a Monday night, when I was sucked into a spiral of despair and life questions.

The next thing I knew, I was sprawled helplessly on the floor with my head tucked into the middle of Ch. 7 in my international theory of Asia textbook, tears staining the pages. Thoughts and words were no longer tangible in my mind so the only thing that came out of my mouth was a muffled sob, held as long as the amount of air between my face and my textbook would permit.

My sobs grew louder and longer, the pitch shifted up and down to make sure the people around me knew the amount of pain I was in.

Dad, with a worried voice {remember, my face is still planted in my textbook. Literally.}, came running to my side. Concerned, he probed as to what had happened.

I sobbed louder, hoping that through my tears and cries that he would completely the understand what was going on in my mind.

After a minute or so of concern, he left and returned with chocolate in his hand. He placed two pieces on either side of my head, hoping that the view of sugar would quiet me. I just cried louder and shoved them off my textbook/platform of despair and pity.

After what seemed  like a sufficient amount of time to mourn for my future, I silently got up and put my things away. As if nothing had happened, I got onto my computer and did what every young adult struggling with life decisions and plans would do.

I youtubed.

I watched  episodes of the Ellen show, foreign music videos with awesome dance moves, and trailers for movies that were scheduled to come out in 2017.

Sigh. The decisions I make.

My head is about to explode

3 Mid-terms

3  reading abstract paper

5 writing assignments

1 econ homework

2  wedding activities (party & dinner)

4 shifts at work

1 Relief society lesson to prepare

0 dress for Lauren's wedding

1 language assessment test

1 New Testament Quiz/Thought paper/reading/participation points assignment

1 International Theory of Asia Quiz

2 Visiting teaching assignments

1 scholarship requirement meeting

2 hrs of tutoring my middle school student


...are on my to-do list for this/next week.  Mostly in the next 3 days.

Don't be alarmed if you find a young women with an exploded head, it's just mid semester at BYU.

After this month, I think I'm ready to graduate and never have to do another homework assignment or take a mid-term.

I apologize

It's been tough for me to blog lately. I use to be able to blog once, sometimes twice a day!

Now I am not even quite sure what I want to put on here....so we'll see how long this blog lasts :)

Anyways, I'm antsy. Like I always am after several months of being confined to one area. It's ridiculous! I find myself wandering onto airline websites and checking flights.

Then I start scrolling through travel pictures, and that's when it really gets me. I start feeling all lifeless and sad. I think to myself, "If only I was traveling....oh I wish I could been there right now!"

Realistically, I will be staying in Utah until further notice. With {maybe...a very big MAYBE} graduation and LSAT prep looming over my shoulder, traveling has taken a backseat.

Sigh.

It's not fun having to do all the adult boring stuff before I have the opportunity to do all the things that I want to do.