Weeks like these

It is during weeks like Finals Week that my testimony really grows.

Not only am I grateful for the strength to stay up hours upon hours doing mind numbing tasks like studying and writing a total of 20 pages in papers due during finals week, but that I know that my savior, Jesus Christ, loves me and knows exactly what I am going through.

I can not begin to fathom how much suffering and pain He would have to go through to atone for the sins of those who were, who are, and who have yet to come. Bleeding from every pore may sound too much to be true, but if the weight of the entire existence of man kind was upon my shoulders, I know I wouldn't have made it.

So every time I am about to throw my laptop out the window and seriously consider being a waitress for the rest of my life, I just take a deep breath and know that Jesus Christ did not just experience the suffering that I currently feel from Finals Week, but the suffering of every single college student suffering from Finals Week.
That thought alone humbles me.

All jokes set aside, it really has been such a spiritually strengthening week for me. In the midst of all the stress and pressure, I have been able to witness the love of Christ and the power of His plan for us.

However, I attend the Lord's church....so why did He have to make this so incredibly difficult?!

Laughing with God

is the title of one of Regina's songs. I could go into how much depth and accuracy that songs has but I won't.
Instead I am going to talk about me...ha. Jokes.

But really.

Now I understand God has a lot to do. He created world after world {I am struggling with 16 credits, 20 hrs of work, and roommate drama so I don't know how He does it.} so I can see how stressful and demanding that job must be.  Now He could probably have all the entertainment and fun He wants to relieve this stress because c'mon, He is God! 

He could create a half horse half cruise ship vehicle that flew faster then the speed of light and then jet around the universe with Ghandi and Benjamin Franklin while eating sushi and playing Mario Kart Wii on the giant HD flat screen with surround sound and....yah anyways... 

No no, it would be much funner to just make life awkward for people and watch them stumble around trying to deal with it. 

It's like cable for Him. {not that I am belittling or saying that God does not love us, I know He does!} Sometimes you are in the mood for action, sometimes for romance, but for most of the time it is either comedy or drama. 

God is probably really stressed out about something because in the last week or so some pretty weird and awkward moments have happened....

For example: I got in a fight with this "random chick" {who will not be named because mentioning her name gets my blood boiling} who, after much researching {I googled it.} I have diagnosed with Dependent Personality Disorder.

"Individuals with DPD see relationships with significant others as necessary for survival [even if it means back stabbing your best friend just for ONE night of fun]."

source: wikipedia.com

{I can edit Wikipedia anytime anyways so that comment might as well be true...}

It goes on to talking about the disorder and by just skimming it I am pretty sure that "random chick" has it. Poor thing, all along we thought it was just because she was easy-going, fun-loving, and really attractive when, truth be told, she had a disorder. 

Anywayyys I got in a fist fight over texting with "RC" and not to toot my own horn or anything but I am pretty sure I won. :) 

I'll spare you the details of the crime committed but one important fact to note is that there was a third party involved. This third party doesn't know that "RC" has a disorder {it's probably hereditary..} or that he was somewhat the main reason for our texting fist fight.

Moving on, Third party doesn't know but LO AND BEHOLD, I run into Third party on campus. On the fourth floor of the JKB in a computer lab tucked away at the corner of the building at exactly 2:48 pm the day after my victorious win in a fist fight with "RC" of which Third party kinda caused. 

Funny? Sure.

Awkward? You betcha. 

Deals

My family has this video tape recording of me when I was only 5. At the time, we were still living in Hong Kong.

In the recording, I was such a brat. I would be blabbering away about anything and most of the time I wasn't making any sense. 

I would even push Helen, my little sister, away from the view of the camera because I had something I wanted to say and I wanted it to be heard.

And when my mother would tell us nursery stories, I wouldn't like how some of them ended so I had changed all of the endings and would insist on my mom telling them the way I had envisioned it. 

{I hated the boy who cried wolf and practically cut him out of the entire story. I was always annoyed with Red Riding Hood because WHO couldn't tell a wolf from a human being? So I had the wolf just eat her from the moment they met in the forest and went on to talking about the wolf who befriended a rabbit.}

Even at such a young age, I already had all these opinions formed in my mind and was not shy about sharing them with other people. Most of the time it just came off as being stubborn and over bearing. 

I was reminded of this video tape recording the other night as I laid in bed talking to God. 

That's right. I talk to God. 

I don't mean like down on two knees, arms folded and with my eyes shut. 

No I talk to God. Literally. 

Sometimes I do it when I am driving, sometimes when I am grocery shopping, sometimes when I am walking around campus. 

Most of the conversations consist of me thinking/talking out loud to God and I just imagine that God is listening intently, every once in a while a "humph" or a "uh huh" will be made. 

I started making deals with God at an early age. I use to lay in bed and make deals. 

Since God didn't actually answer me in verbal form, I always assumed that since He loved me He would agree to these deals as long as I was not being absolutely ridiculous in my bargaining.

{yah...I don't know how that made sense.}

This is how most of them would go, 

" School is dumb. Why couldn't you make french easier to learn? So guess what? At dinner time I didn't even yell at Emily for not cleaning up her mess! Ok so if I don't fight or argue with my sisters for a whole month could I get an A in my French class?....oh wait..a month? that is super long I don't know if I can do that. Um...but I REALLY want an A...ok how about this, if I don't fight or argue with my sister for two weeks, I will get an A on the next test?.......and the terms and conditions are that I just have to try my hardest to NOT fight with them, it's not my fault if they start arguing with me. 

Ok?" 

In my mind, if I got an A on the next test I would be practically guaranteed an A grade in the class and since I only had to try to not fight with my sisters for two weeks I usually just avoided talking to them for two weeks so there would be no risks. 

If I didn't happen to get an A on my test, then I just assumed it was because I didn't keep my part of the bargain and decided to be better at keeping the next deal I make with God. 

As I got older, the deals were less frequent because as an adult, the wants I have are much more pricier then when I was younger. 

Which means that I would have to make my part of the deal much more then just not fighting with  my sisters for two weeks. 

and sometimes it isn't really worth it. 

Now from a LDS perspective, the fact that I still make deals with God after all that He has done for me is almost too ridiculous that I didn't know if I wanted to write a whole blog about it. 

But a couple of nights ago, I found myself making a deal with God. 

Some things just never change.