Truths I learned as an adult

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

4. How are you suppose to fold a fitted sheet?!

5. Was learning cursive really necessary?

6. MapQuest needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I can get out of my own neighborhood.

7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting to read if they told you how the person died.

8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

9. Bad decisions make good stories.

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

11. Can we all just agree to ignore Blue Ray?

12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this--ever.

14. I hate when I just barely miss a call by the last ring {Hello? Hello! Dang it!}, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

15. I hate leaving my house feeling confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

16. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

19. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly I realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

20. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I am trying to finish a text.

21. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

22. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

23. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Wear them forever.

24. Is it just me or did I get dumber & dumber every year of college?

25. There is no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

26. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

27. Sometimes I'll look at the time 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

28. Even under ideal conditions, I have trouble locating my car keys, finding my cell phone, and pinning the tail on the donkey, but I'd bet my bottom dollar that everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.