Deals

My family has this video tape recording of me when I was only 5. At the time, we were still living in Hong Kong.

In the recording, I was such a brat. I would be blabbering away about anything and most of the time I wasn't making any sense. 

I would even push Helen, my little sister, away from the view of the camera because I had something I wanted to say and I wanted it to be heard.

And when my mother would tell us nursery stories, I wouldn't like how some of them ended so I had changed all of the endings and would insist on my mom telling them the way I had envisioned it. 

{I hated the boy who cried wolf and practically cut him out of the entire story. I was always annoyed with Red Riding Hood because WHO couldn't tell a wolf from a human being? So I had the wolf just eat her from the moment they met in the forest and went on to talking about the wolf who befriended a rabbit.}

Even at such a young age, I already had all these opinions formed in my mind and was not shy about sharing them with other people. Most of the time it just came off as being stubborn and over bearing. 

I was reminded of this video tape recording the other night as I laid in bed talking to God. 

That's right. I talk to God. 

I don't mean like down on two knees, arms folded and with my eyes shut. 

No I talk to God. Literally. 

Sometimes I do it when I am driving, sometimes when I am grocery shopping, sometimes when I am walking around campus. 

Most of the conversations consist of me thinking/talking out loud to God and I just imagine that God is listening intently, every once in a while a "humph" or a "uh huh" will be made. 

I started making deals with God at an early age. I use to lay in bed and make deals. 

Since God didn't actually answer me in verbal form, I always assumed that since He loved me He would agree to these deals as long as I was not being absolutely ridiculous in my bargaining.

{yah...I don't know how that made sense.}

This is how most of them would go, 

" School is dumb. Why couldn't you make french easier to learn? So guess what? At dinner time I didn't even yell at Emily for not cleaning up her mess! Ok so if I don't fight or argue with my sisters for a whole month could I get an A in my French class?....oh wait..a month? that is super long I don't know if I can do that. Um...but I REALLY want an A...ok how about this, if I don't fight or argue with my sister for two weeks, I will get an A on the next test?.......and the terms and conditions are that I just have to try my hardest to NOT fight with them, it's not my fault if they start arguing with me. 

Ok?" 

In my mind, if I got an A on the next test I would be practically guaranteed an A grade in the class and since I only had to try to not fight with my sisters for two weeks I usually just avoided talking to them for two weeks so there would be no risks. 

If I didn't happen to get an A on my test, then I just assumed it was because I didn't keep my part of the bargain and decided to be better at keeping the next deal I make with God. 

As I got older, the deals were less frequent because as an adult, the wants I have are much more pricier then when I was younger. 

Which means that I would have to make my part of the deal much more then just not fighting with  my sisters for two weeks. 

and sometimes it isn't really worth it. 

Now from a LDS perspective, the fact that I still make deals with God after all that He has done for me is almost too ridiculous that I didn't know if I wanted to write a whole blog about it. 

But a couple of nights ago, I found myself making a deal with God. 

Some things just never change.