Death

I use to think I was pretty good at dealing with death. The idea of it never seemed so bad, maybe it was because religiously I believed that there was life after death, hopefully an even better life after death.

Then my grandmother, who use to knit a sweater for me every year and who would make my favorite meals whenever we visited her in Hong Kong, passed away. It was hard, I don't think I felt such grief and sadness then when I had heard she passed away.

Since then, I've avoided the topic of death. Being only 22, death rarely comes up as a dinner conversation between friends or family. This was before I met A. The only reason I got to meet A when I did was because he had been diagnosed with cancer. I knew him through mutual friends so we were not extremely close. But he was always so happy to see me and always so much fun to be around.

He was always welcoming and telling my friends and I to come over. A and I are probably polar opposites, he was always chill and carefree which is something I need to learn from him.

A has been fighting cancer for the past two years and it is finally coming to an end. As I sit here searching for words to say to him as he takes that step into the next stage of life, I realized how little I had to say. Words of comfort or farewell seemed disrespectful and useless, but I know if I don't say something I would regret it.

Because even though A and I have never been close, he was a friend. And friends are never easy to come by let alone easy to say good bye to.

A, it's been a pleasure being your friend. You have a gift of making those around you feel peace and happiness, and I better be on that haunt list of yours.

much love,
Your Asian.